A PLAYER'S GUIDE TO CHESS:
The Exclusive, Untold Originary Tale:
Over the course of its long history, as the game itself continued to evolve, many countless and innumerable strategies have been devised to attain its penultimate goal: the complete immobilization of the opposing king. While the manners and methods of the game have changed, the single founding principle of Chess unquestionably remains; that being the essential, glorious, double-ecstasy of both dominance and submission.
The game has long been standardized, adhering to both its current and conventional form, which is intended to display the cognitive and intellectual prowess of those engaged within. As a game of wits, it empowers any two combatants to perform relentlessly within the mighty confines of a specified conceptual arena of sixty-four squares, each one murderously intent upon his/her own triumphant victory. Yet, despite its current metaphysical reiteration, we must also pause to both recognize and reflect upon the bestial physicality the game itself has historically transcended.
Initially, the foremost objective of any game of Chess was to immediately incite a vigorous session of spontaneous sexual intercourse between any two players. However, after a lengthy period of serious review, the inevitability of these results were deemed not altogether satisfactory; and to this effect, several clever alterations were made within the subsequent design of the game itself. A large board and numerous pieces were devised to separate the initiates from one another; many of whom were no longer required to participate while either completely naked, or otherwise partially unclothed.
Furthermore, a series of complex rules and regulations was then developed, for the explicit purpose of distracting each player from the obvious prospect of fornicating with his/her opponent. Similarly, several alterations were made to the ending of the game itself, allowing for the impending eventuality of a single victor, through a monotonous cerebral process referred to as "checkmate". This procedure was immediately found to be readily superior to the previous method for concluding a game, which had been designated by one or more labouriously climactic orgasms; which required careful observation by a presiding triumvirate of available spectators, so as to then be organized into specific categories: anal, vaginal or otherwise, by which points were afterwards scored, and through which course a victor was then unanimously determined.
Over the course of its long history, as the game itself continued to evolve, many countless and innumerable strategies have been devised to attain its penultimate goal: the complete immobilization of the opposing king. While the manners and methods of the game have changed, the single founding principle of Chess unquestionably remains; that being the essential, glorious, double-ecstasy of both dominance and submission.
The game has long been standardized, adhering to both its current and conventional form, which is intended to display the cognitive and intellectual prowess of those engaged within. As a game of wits, it empowers any two combatants to perform relentlessly within the mighty confines of a specified conceptual arena of sixty-four squares, each one murderously intent upon his/her own triumphant victory. Yet, despite its current metaphysical reiteration, we must also pause to both recognize and reflect upon the bestial physicality the game itself has historically transcended.
Initially, the foremost objective of any game of Chess was to immediately incite a vigorous session of spontaneous sexual intercourse between any two players. However, after a lengthy period of serious review, the inevitability of these results were deemed not altogether satisfactory; and to this effect, several clever alterations were made within the subsequent design of the game itself. A large board and numerous pieces were devised to separate the initiates from one another; many of whom were no longer required to participate while either completely naked, or otherwise partially unclothed.
Furthermore, a series of complex rules and regulations was then developed, for the explicit purpose of distracting each player from the obvious prospect of fornicating with his/her opponent. Similarly, several alterations were made to the ending of the game itself, allowing for the impending eventuality of a single victor, through a monotonous cerebral process referred to as "checkmate". This procedure was immediately found to be readily superior to the previous method for concluding a game, which had been designated by one or more labouriously climactic orgasms; which required careful observation by a presiding triumvirate of available spectators, so as to then be organized into specific categories: anal, vaginal or otherwise, by which points were afterwards scored, and through which course a victor was then unanimously determined.
posted by Valhenstrogg | Wednesday, August 06, 2003
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